Dear journal…
Just feel like experimenting with new
colours.. That’s why I’m not using the same purple colour… What does purple
signify? It signifies that the person who uses purple is a dreamer… I’m a
girl who loves to dream…
Well… today is another slow day for me
at the project site… It’s already been two weeks since my first involvement
in this.. I hope that it fruits out to a good cause for myself… Or not, it’s
such a waste of time… Well, it’s not a waste actually… Really learning a
lot here..
Hmm… as of today, i
might be going to see the play "Benda Sulit" again… This
time I’ll be watching it with Kabir, Raina, sister, *perhaps her friends*,
Munirah, Laila and my
"daughter", Pugut… All in which is subject to change.. I did
open the invite to several other people in this site.. But, i’m not getting any
positive feedbacks that they wanna follow…
Today, my ramblings is gonna be centered on A broken heart
What do you think causes a heart to
break? Usually a heart is broken due to the dissapointment in a hope of a
relationship. More often than not, it happens in a relationship between a boy
and a girl rather than close friends or family ties. Why would a heart be
imagintaively broken? Well, it’s the disappointment that they have to endure
that breaks a heart. The broken relationship, the betrayal of the other party.
The endless of lies and hopes. These are the things that leads to
dissapointment and hence increases the risk and chances of a person to be in
broken heart.
Why do I speak of this matter? Well, I’ve
been in many broken heart situations before. I have no idea how in the world I
was able to break my heart over and over. I guess, that was my choice. I
usually get my heart mended by this particular sweet talker. He mends my heart
perfectly. But, as perfect as it may seem, he was also the one who crushed it
and broke it again. Not once, not twice.. but 4 times. And, my heart still
continues to have some sort of hope for him. This happened all the time until I
met up with this particular person.
He truly did make me
feel differently. He made me understand that love isn’t
about pain. Relationships can be easy and not that difficult if both of us try
to compromise. He even made me feel like I was able to heal by myself without
any push or even guidance. He made me realize that I was worth something more
than what I am. Underneath this very strong girl everyone sees, he saw
the timid me. He helped me see that I can do more than I know. He gave me space
to breathe, he gave me meaning to live.
He was a gift to me…
Speaking of all this, I know that my
heart has gradually been mended. I know that this relationship that I have put
effort in maintaining is worth than any other relationship I have been in
before. It wasn’t easy to believe that I would actually find someone suitable
for me. But eventually I did.. And I’m happy I took that leap of faith.
As for others that I know of, there’s many other types of
broken hearts that just won’t mend. But I guess, the only way to really mend
your heart is to let go of the ones you were hoping to change or come back to
you or even have feelings for you. What happened to me was, I gave up. I gave up
on the notion I will ever be with someone who would make me happy. I gave up
and started to fully accept that I’m going to manage on my own without a
companion by my side. What really happened was, God showed me that there was
actually someone for me. He wouldn’t let me give it up ultimately. He showed me
the man who makes me happy at present times.
