Me, MYSeLF & i…

Dear journal….
                Before this entry, I was about to publish an entry
about some truths.. But, I guess, some truths are meant to be kept a
secret. After typing such a long entry, the previous entry looked
pretty much like a showing-off entry.. And well, that just ain’t me!
                I am gonna miss a lot of things as this holiday was a
really meningful one for me, journal…. This time around, I got to go
places, see theathers, musical, orchestra… watched movies.. spend
more time with my man… and also gain a very expensive money-can’t-buy
experiences… I may not be travelling out of KL or Selangor area…
but, I got it all in the comfort of these two states…
                I hate to compare.. but I remembered my last 3 months
holidays, journal… I was hospitallized.. for Kidney Biopsy.. after
which, I decided to go back to uni to take third semester… For only
ONE (1) subject!!!! What a waste of my holidays…
                    This time around, I was suppose to be hospitallized again for a minor decompression surgery for my right hip…
But, the silver lining of the cancellation is that I got to rest for a
whole 3 months… I decided NOT to go back for third semester as I felt
it was just a waste of my time. The only thing that bothers me is that
the doctors are just awaiting for the time that my hips goes worst..
That is exactly when they’d do the whole hip replacement thing… As I
said, the silver lining… I get to do all those things I want to do in
my leisure time…

                It’s already nearing July… which means it’s coming to
the second half of the year… How did the time fly so fast? It’s the
middle and towards the ending of 2005…. It’s almost 2005 is leaving
us and now we have to greet 2006… Yes.. I know, it seems as though
I’m talking nonsense.. But, wait and see… one day you’ll wake up,
you’ll find that it’s the day before new years of 2006… You’ll
understand why I kept on pin-pointing on this ending of 2005… Because
it’s already half a year GONE…!!
                    What have I achieved so far?? Hmm… Let me recap…

    1.    Movies I’ve watched… (my aim was 40 English movies with 10 Malay movies)
            I’ve watched….. 15 English movies
                                            1 Malay movie (Sepet)

    2.    I’ve watched 1 play (Benda Sulit twice), 1 musical theater (Rubiah) and 1 Classical Orchestra

    3.    Done one and a half months of "project work".. PHEW!! That was fun!

    4.    Made new friends and strenghten my existing friend’s bonds with each other…
   
    5.    Gotten into Starbucks frenzy… Tried Rhumba Frap, Espresso Rhumba, Affagato, Latte..
            Also tried San Fransisco Coffee… Caramel Espresso

    6.    Went to birthday parties, dinner celebrations….

    7.    Learned how to play CHESS, POOL, FOOSBALL…

    8.   Learned to eat at a SUSHI restaurant.. (thankx Fary) and had
since then varied my sushi taste with my girlfriends… Introduced
Sushi to my man and also Kabir…

    9.    Cried over a death of a fellow LUPUS patient… and also *sigh*s over a new LUPUS patient…

    10.    Gotten 3 articles published in Xfresh.com.

          Well.. I think I’ve filled in my first half of 2005 with many
activities… and in three (3) months… No one can say that I had
wasted my time… Fairly good time rather than bad ones… Yes… 2005
is not that bad… Owh.. I forgot the one thing I did.. how can I
forgot…?

    11.    The article of "Please Insert SIM card"…. hehehehe.. that was a fun article..

             Maybe in due time, I’ll learn to live my life in more
funner ways… but I don’t see how I don’t have fun now, when I am…
Those above I’ve listed are the things I remember to have done… To
list down all the things I’ve done would require the whole journals in
my Journal to be typed again.. and that’s gonna end up with a long
journal…
                Let me pose this question to you… Ever since you turn (insert age), what have you achieved??

          Me.. at 23… I think i’ve finally found my passion.. and
it’s not clubbing! It’s going for theater… I may start my theater
likings a little later than most people.. But, I am beginning to learn
and understand and am very passionate of it… AND… another
achievement is to find myself capable of overcoming problems and
situations… Yeah.. I am proud of it!

                Oh well.. I think I better take my rest… WIll type
more when I feel like it… By the way, I happened to finish the
cross-stitch artwork I was working on for my sister… It’s framed and
ready to be put on her desk when she reaches UiTM… I’m gonna miss
her.. I’m happy she likes it…

                        Going to have dinner with Mr. Shahril Nizam Abdul Karim…. If I combine your name and my name together… I know this is silly but.. I can’t help it…

Shahril NAK Sarah Kambali…

Dear journal,
                Maybe for those out there who has a lot of siblings…
more than 2.. would not feel the pain or loneliness when the sibling is
due to leave home for college or university or even overseas…. Yes..
I have an issue.. My issue is I cannot let go….

                    3rd July, 2005..
A Sunday. My one and only younger sister is going to pack her stuff and
shift out to her university. Yes.. for most who knows me would say.. "Alaa Sarah… She’s only in Shah Alam…" but, those of you who said that obviously have no idea what an only sister means.
                In my younger years… I wished for a sister.. Someone
I can mother.. Someone I can take care of. Of course, most of the
diaper changing and baths are done by my maid or my mom back then..
but, I’m proud to say that I had at least know how to fold the washable
diapers and also all the other times she wanted bottled milk…
                Sure.. we have our fights.. but in the end, the
hostility cannot last for more than 2 days because we know that we have
no one else to talk to except each other. During my teen years, mom
would always push my sister to follow me out with my friends. Being a
rebellious teen, I never did like it. But, as the occassion kept on
going on and on that she follows me around, I began to adapt to the
sister-tag-along. In fact, sometimes, it’s my blanket of security to
have my sister there.
                She was there when I fell ill… Where was all my
friends? They were running their own life. They can’t be expected to
stay under one roof and nurse me. It was my family who stood by me all
those times of utmost sheer last seconds of my life.
                Why am I strolling down memory lane of my sister?
Mainly because of the date above… I hate change. But the only thing
that does not change is change itself… Change will be there.. That is
the only thing that will be constant. *Ironic isn’t it?*
                Well, sis… If you’re reading this… I love you…
You’re the only Kambali daughter that I have to talk to and to share
secrets with. I pray we’d be together until my end of time or
yours…..

                I pray that you’d do well in campus. I know that it’s
not easy. But I know you can make it out there… After all… We are
the Kambali daughters… We are tough and smart sisters.. You know you can always call me up if anything happens… I will miss you…
                Baby girl, you’ll be a bright star someday… And all
that teased you and said negative things about you, they will be
gasping in awwww because they don’t understand how you can shine so
bright… Show them! i know you can, sis…

Well.. time to get ready again.. take care journal…

~transmission ends 9:45am 29062005~

Dear journal….
                      Yesterday was just another day. I had got home a
little later than my normal an usual times. I came back at 6:15pm.
Getting the cab was not an easy task at 5:30pm. That was the whole
reason why I chose to go back at 4pm. It is much easier to get a cab
then.
                      Tired but still with some work to do, I switched
on the computer. I prepared the WS. It was a 7 pages long WS. The draft
of it was 10 pages. I typed and typed and typed. My sister came back at
7pm. She went out to do some errands with her boy. Yes, her boy came
down from Kuantan. It’s good that they met up. I’m so sure she misses
him so much.
                      I finally finished what I was asked to do by
8:15pm. Sent an sms to my boss that I’ve sent an e-mail to him on the
WS. After which I wanted to send an sms to my man to say that I’m ready
to go for dinner. But, I accidentally sms-ed him the same sms I gave my
boss instead.
It wasn’t intentional but he seems to think I did it intentionally to
inform him that I was late in getting ready because I had work to do
for my boss.

                      Whatever-lah sayang. What I do know is that I had
a nice time going out with you. We went to do some errands for your
family. Then, we checked out the workshop in SS2. After that we had
dinner in Hartamas Square. I called up Laila if she wanted to join. But since her mom already cooked, it’s okies. It was just me and Shahril.
                      I’m beginning to like Hartamas Square. Not
because of the atmosphere but because of the food there. The stalls
look rather interesting and it caters for both of our needs. There’s
western, italian, Japanese, Thai and also Malaysian food there. The
variety helped us to dine together without much hassle.
                            I enjoyed the soft shell crab
there. It was rather a big portion and expensive, but I don’t mind. So
long I get to dine with my man. My man has been ordering food from the
Thai stall.
                            On our way back, we decided to stop by Penang Mari.
As usual, we called up Shahrul and Onei. Only Shahrul agreed to join us
there. So we had a couple of drinks and laughters. I was watching the
tele there. They were showing a rather funny tv3 chinese drama. I
couldn’t stop laughing. I know that Shahril was talking bout my fav
team but I don’t really have the energy to get a little geram with
anyone because I am really tired from my long day.
                      Today, I’m gonna be wroking until 4pm. Shahril
will be picking me up. We’ll be meeting his insurance agent. Some
things we need to settle with her. Maybe we’ll have dinner and then
send me back home. The reason being that he is gonna go jamming
tonight. Yeay!
                       Well, it’s already 10am and my butt is still
glued to the chair. Hmmm… I better get moving and get ready to go to
my project site. Will type more if there’s anything interesting for me
to type….

* Ps. Haroon’s birthday is tomorrow..! I think I’ll call him to wish him his age! *

~transmission ends 10:00am 28062005~

*First and foremost… this journal entry is NOT for those who cannot stand mushy2 stories….*

Dear journal…
          *sigh* Where do I start my entry today? I feel heavenly in
cloud 9… I feel so high that I think that someone is bound to burst
my bubble and make me fall back to the hard ground….
            Well…. I’ve been busy checking out about Zaleha Ayam Patah..
a short film that seems to be an interesting note of story.. It’s a
short film by a young mind.. Cultural short film.. I’m intrigued and am
opening my radars as to any new information about the short film…
            Another movie that I would like to watch is that of Fasha and Jehan Miskin.. Qaisy & Laila… I know that my dear Laila
has watched it at the premier.. so envious! But, that’s what you get
when you have an uncle that can bring you places in the movie world…
I am still in Jehan Miskin-he’s cute-mode…
           Besides watching Melody,
a TV3 production to keep me updated with latest Malaysian
entertainment, I was partially trying to finish up my application
letters to live of campus and also introduction letters to my
lecturers… Just to intro to you, all universities in Malaysia
requires their students to be active in order to stay in campus. Should
you fail to be active, you’d be kicked out from living in campus
area… But, that’s not the case for my university… It cares for our
well-being. All the students are given place to stay within the campus,
whether they are active or not. So, instead of making a letter to apply
to stay in campus for all the other universities, MY place of studying requires us to write a letter to live off campus.
          All the required letters and official matters have been taken
care of. Now, the only thing on my mind is that I have only 4 days left
in my project site… and also I have to start buying stationaries,
files, note pads, white colar shirts, Rechargeable AA batteries for my
camera-voice recorder and etc.. etc… for the start of this new
semester.. I’m sad that my project has to end.. but I’ll be lying if I
say I’m not excited to go back to university..!

          Okies… I’ve stated what is in my front lobe of my brain..
Now back to my *sigh*-ing… *SSSSSiiiiigggggghhhhhhh* Let’s begin the
journey to yesterday….. I had to update my blogging sites and my
photo online.. I updated until I was so tired and I had gone for a
short nap at 6:30pm… About that time, I sms-ed my man and asked him
what’s our plans for tonight.. Honestly, I was tired and I was hoping
you’d say that you’re tired too.. So, what I’d do is to eat at home…
          I woke up after 15 minutes and checked my phone… You
replied you were too tired to go anywhere… I was too tired to reply..
which made you thought I was angry to you, which I was not… Anyways..
I returned back to sleep… but woke up by 7pm because you gave me a
ring.. Apparently you thought I was angry… You asked me if I gotten
your sms.. I said I did in a very tired voice…
          Then, you said that there’s a slight change of plans… Your
cousin called up to meet for dinner… I told you I can’t be going
before maghrib. You said it’s fine… we’ll go at 8pm.. and I got up
and got ready to go out..
          By 8:15pm, you came back from work… You called from home
just to inform me of the change of plans.. your family was having a
birthday dinner for your eldest brother...
Sweating all over.. I knew what your next question to me was… And
after 1 year 8 months together, I’m still having butterflies all over!!
          Mumbling… wishing I don’t have to go… Finally I gave
in… I went with you to your house… Met up with Baby Hani, Shasha
and also your mama… Later that night, Kak Shahreen, her husband, your
eldest brother and his girlfriend (or is it fiancee) Yanti was there…
It wasn’t that bad actually… Nothing like what I have pictured in my
mind…

        Took a picture of them one family… and also a picture of your brother blowing the candles… Sadly, I didn’t get him any gift….
       Baby Hani is now way bigger and more chomellll than ever… She
really knows how to attract attention… Very discipline in front of
guests! She even played with the cat toy rather quietly than most babies…
         I had a slice of Shakeys and garlic bread, one spoon of
coleslaw and one drumstick of Hot & Spicy… I didn’t take the cake
as I wanted to maintain my diet.. But I’m more importantly very shy…
          You left me to siap2 to go to Penang Mari and meet up with
your cousin and Shahrul… That was when your brother-in-law, Kak
Shahreen and even your brother asked me questions.. I was very much shy
but I try to look confident.. God KNOWS I was soooooo in butterfly mode
even after having dinner…
          I shook everyone’s hand and said my thanks when you told me
we can go now… I was rather relieved that we were going… Not that I
was actually tortured or being pestered.. But I was quite afraid
handling with boyfriend’s parents… Sorry sayang.. these things takes
time for me to adjust and adapt…
           Thinking back of what had happened… I’m a little bit happy
that your family did not treat me cold.. I like this picture of your
family… all smiling to my camera… I’ll print a copy for your mama
and your birthday brother…

            I hope one day my tongue won’t be too tied to say that to your family members… That’s two (2) family member’s birthday dinner I’ve gone too!! Pheww…. *sigh* (but who’s counting but me)

I’m still in with you….

~transmission ends 2:35pm 26062005~

Dear journal….

          True… I’ve been a little down… and true.. stress has
finally caught up with me.. I thought I could handle it.. but it turns
out I can’t…
          I’ve been a very selfish person.. all I want is to listen to
other people’s problem… I’ve disregarded my view of my own life and
my own level of stress… When finally, as you can read in the previous
entry.. my stress caught up with me.. Or rather other people’s stress
got me in a jamm with my ownself…
            No one had actually forced me to follow them or even listen to their problem.. But then again, I just cannot say NO when they sound lost… I have to listen.. I have to help.. why? Because it’s in my nature to have to care…
          In the end… I felt used and abused.. All because of one
silly incident.. It’s a silly incident that doesn’t need a public
mention here… I know partly it was my fault.. If I had put my feet
down and said, no.. it’s okie.. I don’t want to join you guys to go to
wherver you guys are going… I’d probably have had my dinner after the
movies and not be cranky…
            The picture I’m trying to show here is… I was tired… I had a fun event after my usual project that Wednesday… I had planned to watch a movie with my friends whom I have not seen for awhile… Fary and Raina… had also Rajdeep
to watch the movie with me… He had a bad throat… kesian dia…
Anyways, after the movies, we were heading out of OU… I knew for some
reason, I shouldn’t have depended on people waiting for me… I mean..
I know that I can be patient waiting for my friends… but, I am sure
if the situation was reversed, they won’t wait for me… but, because
my own needs was also at a conflict here, I decided to put some sort of
hope that they’d wait up for me..
            Well… as it turns out… they didn’t… not the group i
went to watch movie with.. just someone I know to well… that person
apologized later that night… but, I was in a cranky and hurtful mode
to forgive.. let alone forget…
             Imagine… I was led to hope that we would go have dinner
at that particular restaurant…. I hoping too much I guess… My
stomach was growling and empty… When I received that call, I was a
little hurt.. plus, my growling stomach won’t stop telling me it’s
hungry… I couldn’t act out that I was upset… Especially to those
who actually brought me out and had a good time with me at the
movies… So I held it in…
             After dropping off Raina and Rajdeep… I called up the
other group to fully understand what’s the situation… Well.. let’s
just say it wasn’t plesant to my ears… I was a little hungry and
upset… and then came the feeling of being used and abused… tear
flood from my eyes.. but I tried to stop it as I was in the company of Kabir…
             We finally had dinner at Penang Mari.. I had compensated
Kabir’s efforts to teman me have dinner there with some Nasi Goreng
Kampung and sambal belacan..
             You see… if I had put my feet down and went for dinner
with the present company that I had watched movies with, I wouldn’t be
upset with anyone… It’s when I give too much HOPE on something and show that I need something SO much.. that’s when I WILL be disappointed…. It doesn’t matter its regarding about FRIENDs, EVENTs or my HEALTH… I JUST CANNOT GIVE IN TOO MUCH HOPE!!!
           So, evidently… I got myself in an
anger+pissed+sad mode for a couple of days… I cried that night after
coming back from Penang Mari with Kabir… My man was there to catch my
tears… He gave me space to cry.. He gave me his shoulders to shed my
tears… He gave me his ears to listen to my woes… He knew I needed
my time alone.. I just don’t want to bother with anyone for the time
being… I don’t want to listen to other people’s problem.. I don’t
want to hear bout the world coming to an end.. I don’t want to hear
that some gal is being bitchy with this other gal.. I don’t wanna hear
anything for the next few days or maybe weeks or maybe months… I just
wanna go places with my man there… I don’t want to go out if he’s not
around.. I don’t want to fall to pieces in front of anyone…

              Yesterday was Orchestra nite… Hazlina, Zetty, Laila and
Asari came fashionably late… *that’s what Hazlina calls it… i’m
just quoting her on that.. no intention to put anyone down or sakit
hati…* Shahril, my sister and I arrived at Istana Budaya at 6:45pm…
Way earlier than expected… Better that way.. At least we got to
secure our tickets and gotten our seats…
                Amazingly, I’ve collected 9 people to follow me to the Orchestra!
I’m beginning to think that I have knack of doing this… and this is
by far the most astounding get together I’ve ever done.. EVER..! Shahril, Sofia Shereen, Raina, Kabir, Rav, Laila, Asari, Hazlina & Zetty were those who followed me to this event….amazing how I got to gather people from all types of connection…

             During intermission, we took some shots as a group… My
camera died.. but, I got some copies from Laila.. So, any group photos
you see are courtesy of Laila… thank you darling!! it’s in the photo
album here… so just clik to National Symphony Orchestra….24th June, 2005….

            It was after the whole Orchestra everyone started to
bond… We had agreed to have dinner @Rasta, ttdi… From there
onwards, everyone started chatting whilst eating.. learning bout each
other.. I was happy to see that everyone was clicking with each other..
Laila got to know that my friend Hazlina had somewhat went thru the
same thing as her… My sister had a good chat with Asari and my man
gotten to know more about Raina, Kabir and Rav… I think all and
all… we had a good time.. It was definitely a good and better
celebration to compare with my last event…
             Today I woke up feeling fresh… The symphony had an
impact on me… I had to shook hands with the conductor of the
symphony, Mr Mustaffa and also the Russian solo violinist, Mr
Alexander… I truly had an amazing feel of the whole event!
             I woke up sms-ing everyone I know that followed me to the
orchestra… I think that it’s not that bad to have my friends around
me for an outing… So long as you know who to go out with… I am
still surprised to have gathered so many people to watch an Orchestra
with me… and I’m happy that I have bridged the gap of my
connections… New bonds were made that night… New friendships were
blooming thru the night…

             On my own personal note, journal… My man and I had
finally gone to Istana Budaya together again… this is like our
anniversary of going there… the last time he did go with me was to
watch Bangsawan Tun Fatimah…
I seriously wonder what his family thinks of me… *Shahril - "Dari you
ajak I pergi clubbing… this is much better, sayang…" * I hope so
sayang.. I hope that your family tak rasa I’m too much of an artistic
dreamer…

             As I said before… I’m hanging my coat and staying put at
home… But, after that Orchestra, I might make some exceptions to
certain people.. you know who you are… *winks* Chillis anyone??


~transmission ends 4:35pm 25-06-2005~

Do you ever lick glass?
why would i do that?

Is your phone on the charger?
no.. do you wanna borrow it?

Is your phones battery running low?
you planning to call me?

What is your name?
Miss misery

Age?
old enough to have ‘fun’

Sexual orientation?
you think?

Do you like to party?
depends..

Is it cold over there?
at the office.. it is.. duh

Where do you live?
in the sky

Do you smell bad or good?
fresh peaches

Have you taken out the garbage?
i don’t… you think i’m the garbage lady?

What is your favourite question?
Why does this have to happen to me?

Would you ever prostitute yourself?
i am still having my pride..

Have you ever been abused by a loved one?
physically… NO

This includes emotional abuse…
emotional… YES

Do you love your family?
A lot

Why?
coz their family.. duh

Do you have broadband?
YES

Capitals or lower case?
does it matter?

Whats the difference between a drug dealer and
a prostitute
how would i know.. I’m neither.. and never seen
any of them both… what do you think?

Have you ever f*cked a prostitute?
whatever..

Do you smoke like its going out of fashion?
is smoking a fashion in the first place?

Alcohol and drugs?
neither

Are you thirsty?
Nah

Whats your grandfathers name?
which one? dad’s side - Semon.. Mom’s side -
Hashim

Whats your best friends name?
i have friends * i think *.. best friend’s name -
dear journal

Do you have a ding-dong?
haha.. check my gender

would you like one?
nah.. i’d pass

Are you a loser?
atm, with my life… not with my lover..

Why do you take these silly surveys anyway?
Coz I’m not in the mood to do anything else..

Do you use the tab button?
Does it matter?!?!

Do you type fast?
Does it matter?!?!

Do you say whatever comes into your head?
I’m not sure if I do.. i think a lot

Do you like the smell of lawn clippings?
yes

What is your f*cking problem?
unable to click with others that well..

Are you a whingy little teenage f*ck?
whatever.. I’m ‘27′ years old.. I don’t think i’m a
‘teenager’

What would you buy with 3 dollars and 50
cents?
Ntah.. I’d keep it til i get another 3.50

Is it legal for you to drink?
yeah… not wise though

Do you ever hold it when you need to urinate?
hold what? your a$$?

Whats your stool like?
You really wanna know..?

How are you?
irritated… sad.. angry… leave me alone

Why do I ask stupid questions?
i don’t know why..

Bounty, Mars or Smarties?
Mars

Have you ever screamed out the wrong name
while being f*cked?
let me try f first.. then i’ll get back to ya

Whats your eye color?
ntah.. i can’t see it without a mirror

describe your feet in three words…….
bloody

Are we there yet?
where?

How many of these surveys have you done
anyway?
too many

Are you a bit silly?
ntah

Will you please pour me a drink?
you can drink?

Gotta light?
yeah..

How often do you use the refresh button?
whenever ifeel like it… VERY much always..

1.Where have you been an hour ago?
>> on the office phone

2. State your full name?
>> Sarah Kambali

3. Do you like your name?
>> pretty much

4. Can you remember what you did on the
first day of your school?
>> cried because I had a weird daddy’s name that every1 teased about

5. What do you want to be ten years from
now?!
>> in the air.. travelling

6. What did u feel upon receiving emails?
>> ouhh… mail… *sighs*

7. At what age you first learned to use a
pc?
>> standard 4 in computer class

8. Have you ever eaten any exotic food?
>> yups.. don’t care bout the food any longer

9. What was the last illness that you had?
>> LUPUS.. still with it

10. Do you like listening to rap music?
>> Yes

11. Have you ever thought of driving the
train to uni?
>> haha.. to destroy it?

12. What did you do last 1st November
2004?
>> why that date?

13. Which do you prefer? rainy dayz or
sunny day?
>> neither.. leave me alone

14. When was the last time you browsed
the bible?
>> matrics

15. What perfume do you have?
>> Versace Red Jeans

16. What is the brand of your first
wristwatch?
>> a branded one? Guess?

17. Look at your back. what did you see?
>> the wall

18. Say something about the person who
gave you this
>> Nadia is always filling up surveys that I can curi… hehehe… sorry girl.. I’m messed up..

19. Do you sing while you are taking a
bath?
>> always

20. What did you have for breakfast today?
>> pancakes

21. Your last dream that you remembered?
>> cried… woke up with wet tears on my pillow… I feel so messed up..

22. What do you usually say when you
meet a person?
>> hi

23. Do you agree on the saying “to forgive
is to forget”?
>> why should we forgive and forget? It’s not like others forgives us or forgets what we did wrong!

24. Can you ride on a bicycle?
>> No.. leave me alone..

25. Last thing you held before using the
computer?
>> the phone

26. Where is the place you always dreamed of?
>> white sandy beach

27. When was the last time your tears fell?
>> yesterday night in my sleep and also the night before with my man..

28. Are you goin to leave your parents in time?
>> I’d probably bring parents along with me..

30. At what age you are ready to get
married?
>> i don’t know… when i feel i’ve achieved laa..

31. Long hair or spikey?
>> Long

32. First person to run if you are
depressed?
>> No one… I can’t go to my mum.. she’d be worried of my health.. I can’t go to my sister, she’d be telling my mum.. Not my dad either.. sama cam my sister… so.. there’s only Shahril.. if not… myself.. and God..

33. Whats the last movie you watched?
>> Batman Begins

34. Who is the person u txtd last?
>> My man

35. What was your worst flood experience?
>> ntah

36. Were you attracted to a person ten
years older than you?
>> i had once been captured by 10 years older person..

37. Are you happy at this point of your life?
>> happy with my man.. my family… i don’t know.. leave me alone..

38. What do you want to eat tomorrow?
>> i want to eat CLASSIC NACHOS.. I don’t care for any other substitutes anymore.. Or any flavoured mint tea

39. Are you in love now?
>> yes i am.. thank you for asking

40. With whom?
>> He’s name is Shahril Nizam bin Abdul Karim a.k.a Slayer a.k.a Baby Boy a.k.a Tun Ali

Dear journal…
   
        I had fun yesterday…. Hoping
that fun will continue this coming Wednesday and
also Friday… I realise that my holidays are coming to an end.. And I
hate to
say this.. I am getting comfortable and I think my brain has gone a
little
sloggish with the thought of learning and opening case law and law
books…
hmmm… I am turning into one of those people who simply loves the
holidays…
Hahaha… this is a pretty mighty turn of event!
                Well…. Met up with my dear friend Raina
yesterday.. and his bro Kabir… we had dinner at Secret Recipe, OU new wing….
I’m turning to love this Secret Recipe place… I think that Kabir &
Raina are the two most loveliest people I’ve ever met.. aside from every other
friends that I’ve met.. I mean, seriously… They are the two most sweetest and
kindest people ever.. I love hanging out with them… I pray that both of them
will get what they want in life… and I pray we’d remain in contact no matter
where we are in this world God had created…
 Raina, who just came back from Mumbai.. had
really good stories bout the place… Good in the sense that it makes me
realize how much

Malaysia

means to me… I’m happy and love my country.. Sometimes, you just need
to visit these other countries in the world just to see that the grass is
not always greener on the other side.. I’m thankful that I’m born and bred
in

Malaysia

.. more specifically KL-Selangor area…
 However, I would like to travel and experience
it myself with Miss Raina.. I’m sure it would be fun.. tiring.. but fun!
Nothing I can’t handle as long as I got God’s permission and my will to be
stubborn… heheheh… And I’d love to bring Shahril there to FATTEN him up a
bit….
 Later that night, me, Raina, Kabir, Shahril and
my sister Sofia went to join up Haroon at Centerpoint. My darling ‘daughter’
joined too… *Again have to apologize for the pants yang tiada bergetar,
darling.. not my intention to not answer your call….*
 Had laughters and photo sessions there… I
seriously thought we’d head up to have some Humus.. but i think, even if we did
go, i’d be too tired and also full from my pasta dinner at Secret Recipe…
blessing in disguise that we didn’t go…
                    We head back by

11:30pm

and as usual my man challenge me to games of chess… This time I think
I have gotten better.. although it’s subjective to what is better.. I’ve never
beaten him yet.. but last night I had a draw with only our Kings standing..
hahaha.. funny ain’t it?
                    I’m happy that we are spending our time with
some kind of board game… Although I loose most of the time, but it’s
interesting to learn the game.. And i’m not shy to loose with him… *thank you
sayang… I love our games* My sister loves to play with him too… It’s simply
fun to watch them play…
                    Today, however, he is not working… which means
he’d only check this entry tomorrow… We’re probably be going for the
orchestra thing on Friday together!! Yeay… and tonight he’s going to go for
jamming session… I’m happy that he has started to play his drums again… I
was worried for awhile that he’d never play again… I love to see him being
passionate about something… other than being in love with me… I don’t want
him to be only attached to me.. Each of us have our own lives to go on with.. I
don’t want him to abandon something he is good at just because he has me in his
life.. *that is why I don’t mind you going jamming or out with your friends
late nights… I accept you as who you are.. not as what I want you to be…*
                        I better get going.. Will probably re-write this
once I get back home… But this is my entry for now…
                        

~transmission ends

1:35pm

21062005~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            That was way earlier… now it’s night time and I’m just lazing around chatting with my daughter
that I love… yes.. I love you baby… You’re a good friend and
companion in campus and outings to Starbucks and Chillis and… and…
and…
           My man just got back from his jamming
session in PJ.. He’s getting his groove back… and I’m happy that he
is…. But before that, he spent some time with me… He just called me
up and said he’s tired but had a fun time with his bandmates… I’m
really happy that he is..
          After 1:35pm.. I did my project.. it’s looking good… I
think by the end of the month, the experience that I’m gaining is
actually giving me some benefit for myself… At least there’s a little
bit of experience here and there….
          Shahril drop by and picked me up @4pm.. thereon we met up an
insurans agent a Secret Recipe… I know it’s a bit sudden for him to
get insurance.. and i know that we’re only to listen to what the person
is saying.. but, after listening and also seeing the budget.. I think
he should get the insurance… rather have a coverage than none at all
right?
          Whilst we were chatting with her… she enquired about me…
I told her that I don’t think I’ll ever apply… I’m not healthy…
           Why does she ask? Obviously because she’s an agent… but everytime she said that… "you
know you need insurance.. although it might not seem important now..
but when you’re not healthy, your chances of applying is very slim…
So that’s why we work to talk to young people like both of you.. young
graduates that started working….. whilst you are still healthy…"
             Well…. berdetik hati Sarah.. jatuh hati and sayu… rasa
nak masuk to the washroom and not come out.. I felt like going home
that instant… But I know that’s childish.. that’s not facing your
problem.. What IF some other person ask you why don’t you get
insurance? Would you just brush them off? Maybe some people would…
but me… I try to face my problems upfront… i try to be strong..
even though I know I am weak inside.. what you see on the surface is a
strong-holding-back-tears girl…
                So… she asked why.. very politely too… and I told her of my condition.. and she said something bout this National Service girl
who got it too… She was intrigued and wondered if the girl had gotten
the disease from the service… I assured her, probably yes, or
probably no.. why? it’s a mysterious-chronic illness… No idea as to
what really triggers the antibodies to fight each other.. Seeing that
it is an auto-immune disease, it’s not something you can contract from
other people… It’s just your antibodies not recognizing each other
and fights each other for no apparent reason…
             I enquired more about the girl.. She said that she’s in
the star paper today and two days back…Being curious, after the meet
with the agent, we got back home, but had stopped by Mobil to get the
paper… After which, I watched a Nujum Pak Belalang with him which was later joined by my sister…
             When I finally gotten to sit down and be online.. after a
short hour nap… I decided to be the internet-savvy girl and find out
more of the National service Lupus girl that got many attention from people…. I got the links.. thankx to Star’s posting…

                Why didn’t camp release NS trainee?
               Trainee didn’t seek leave..
                NS trainee not given MC…
                Nuraini diagnosed with SLE… <– must be scary for her…

                The first article had her before and after pictures…. the second one had our deputy Prime Minister saying… "I feel sad and I sympathise with her condition. I will ask for a full
report including all her medical reports. We also want to know whether
she got the ailment at the camp or outside,” Najib said after attending
a gathering at Kg Tanjung Batu near here yesterday. "
Well…. the thing is.. there is no where knowing where she got it…
It’s a mysterious-chronic illness… Something not covered in insurance
I bet…

             Well… I pity her.. She must be scared and scarred of the
experience… I wish there’s ways of contacting her.. ways of telling
her, i know her pain.. i know her depth of being scared.. and I know
how her parents must feel… I wish i can tell her to stay strong.. have a strong will and try not to stress out…
But I know ONE thing I CAN do for her…. I can pray that she’ll be
strong.. I CAN pray she’d realize this is not that much of a burden…
I CAN pray that she’d see that with strong will and believe in God,
she’d make it through everything… THAT I CAN DO!
                Let’s all pray for Nuraini Abu Bakar, a LUPUS patient who just got to know she got the chronic illness… and also Al-Fatihah to Nurul Farahiyah, an engineering student in University Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia,
who left this world because of LUPUS… and please… spare a prayer
for my strength to battle this disease day-in and day-out…

Thank you for your time to read this til the end….

~transmission ends 12:35am 22062005

Dear journal….
                Saturday, 18th June, 2005.. a very remembered date for me… I had loads of activities on this day… Very fun and exciting…

                Early in the morning, I had gotten up.. wanted to watch A lot like love starring Amanda Peet & Ashton Kutcher…
Personally.. I think that having Ashton Kutcher in any film would never
be disasterous because of his funny nature.. His constant tv show MTv Punk is the whole reason why people simply love him..
             Shahril simply loved the movie.. Frankly, I love to watch
any romantic comedy with him around… WHY? simply because it’s nice to
watch a romantic movie with my man.. Fine.. I’ll admit that I am a
little bit of the romantic person.. I like candlelight dinners, soft romantic jazzy music and love movies to be watched with my man… But,
I will not force him to do those things if he doesn’t want to… He
still has his ways of living… and I’m cool with anything he does.. as
long it doesn’t involve cheating on me…
             The hall was pretty empty.. and it felt as though we were
watching the movie at home… I had fun watching the movie and also
hearing my man laugh at the movie.. *One thing about me.. I don’t like to pick bad movies.. that’s why I HOPE that whatever movie I dragged my man or my friends to is a good one…*

                After the whole movie, we moved out of the busy people flowing OU to go to Plaza Damas… We went to Hartamas Shopping Center.. which will have its grand opening this coming Saturday and Sunday, 25th - 26th June, 2005 .. We went walking around the area… Finally we settled to stay in Starbucks @Hartamas Shopping Center…
had chicken lasagna, affagato cream and also Rhumba… Played chess
twice.. which I loss once and got checkmate on the other time… Took
some photos.. you know me by now, journal.. I’ve got my camera
everywhere I go… even if not my digi camera, there’s always my
handphone camera… YES YES… I am VAIN.. you jealous that I am
admitting to that? Tough for you…
                    Gotten to take some photos which I had uploaded in my fotopages.... Self photos in starbucks… Really not that bad too…
              After that, we decided to head back home…. I awaited
for my friends to come by.. We had a movie-vcd date at my house.. my
friend, Rajdeep and Kabir.. who both are very dear friends of mine… I’m glad to have known you both! I hope you enjoyed the movie Sepet as much as I did… Hope to see you again sometime soon….
               
                So tired already.. but still wanting to go out and have that whole dinner birthday for June babies thingy @Secret Recipe,ttdi…. We were all there gathering for dinner and also to celebrate those born in June… Happy birthday to Fauziah (Ojah), Azim and Diyana (Yana)… Hope you guys enjoy this year!

                Well… Shahril was there too.. He was my escort for
the night.. not that I needed it.. but still… It was a blessing that
Hazlina brought her cousin Zetty
to the dinner.. it turns out that Shahril and Zetty been working under
the same company all this while… They had chatted whilst me and the
rest got some catching up to do…

                Thank you Shahril for being a sport to bring me
there… and thank you Sri for your effort of actually organize such
events! You’re definitely gonna be in the board of event planning for
the 2009 reunion thing…
                As for Shahril… I don’t know when you’ll be reading
this entry, but I want you to know that… I love you.. and I’m happy
that you can adapt yourself with my friends at any occassion there is..
I use to be very cautious of bringing my boyfriend to any event that
involoves my friends.. The reason being my boyfriend would end up
embarassing me.. that’s why I am mostly embarassed to bring my
boyfriend out to meet my friends… BUT…. with Shahril, so far, so
good… I’m happy the way you handle yourself.. I feel proud I am with you… You don’t make me feel embarrased…
                Today, it’s just another HOT sunday.. but I’m happy…
yesterday’s event was so tiring that I need the time out and rest at
home….

later, journal…

~transmission ends 02:35pm 19062005~

Dear journal,
             The weekends were pretty much hectic as usual… Had to go
and check out the hotlink on campus tour thing. Wanted to go for the
helicopter ride on Saturday, but we couldn’t be there any earlier…
                Que for the rides ended at 6pm… Met up with Donna and had a blast just hanging out in Sunway Pyramid…
Went to chill at Starbucks.. I say, I’ve been hanging in Starbucks
rather too often! Hmmm….. Owh well.. after that, we went to swing by
Donna’s place at about 9pm.. watched AF3 for 1 hour before making our
move.. The reason not going earlier is simply because Donna’s dad and
my man was engrossed with the conversation they had… Simply amazing
to look at my man carrying an adult conversation. He is a grown up
after all… *smiles*
                Sunday came and had to meet up with my cousin/ ‘lil bro, Amir Haziq bin Shamlan, in OU… Shahril, my sister and I met him up in OU at about 11am. We had loads of fun and terubat juga rindu di hati ini…
I know that my uncle has been pretty busy all this while.. It’s been
months since I’ve met up with my uncle and his son… A wave of
happiness came when I saw that little guy’s face…
             After eating and parting ways, we decided to go to
Starbucks.. *yet again* Finally I have gotten the "summer pleasures"
book from Starbucks that I so wanted! My man went and got us our drinks
and at the same time brought a chess set for us… It has begun.. I
never knew how to play chess.. Well, I still don’t think I’m any good
at it as I kept on loosing… But the fun of knowing that your opponent
is moving to get you and we are to do our own moves, that really is
something to learn in Chess… So, me being as clueless as I am… I
just watched and finally gotten the hang of the moves.. My sis and
Shahril played the whole two games..
                By 3pm, went and got the Mr. & Mrs. Smith tickets… I was accompanied by Shahril, Soefnir, Sara and Fatiha… Rather funky movie in my view… it really was funky!
             After the movie, me and the geng, minus Onei, went to McD
and had our dinner there… Parted ways by 7pm and went to Penang Mari
by 7:45pm… After that, Shahril brought me riding all over town…. We
went cruising to no destination… Looked at houses and had fun just
being in each other’s company.
             When we arrived home, it was 10pm… found my chess set
and we gotten into 3 rounds of chess, which I loss… But I had fun
exercising my mind of it…. Thank you for teaching me to play chess…
I’m really happy spending time with you, sayang…

            All in all, I had a wonderful weekend…. I hope it’ll be the same this week….

xoxo
Puteri Nur Sarah binti Kambali
~transmission ends 10:20am 13052005~