Me, MYSeLF & i…

To
me, shopaholics are those who shops all year round… as for me, I
don’t unless I feel that my clothes are getting a little boring with
the same pair of clothes over and over again. No. It’s not to show off
to people, but sometimes, it is nice to have something different to
wear when you go out and meet your friends.

So… I had a little shopping spree in MV today. It was the last day of
sales for Jusco all over Malaysia. The saes were tremendously amazing
this time. The collection of t-shirts were rather interesting. It’s
either I’ve lost quite some weight at the tummy to be able to fit into
the tees OR I’ve been really ignorant to the t-shirts around.

But… what amaze me was not the fact that I bought clothes. It was the
fact that my man actually put up with my wanting to go to MV! Imagine
that. No tricks at all. I didn’t bargain any favours for him at all…
or call in favours.

Tonight when I thanked him for being so patient… he had to reply this
in his sms; "anything to make you happy, sayang..". (No.. not making it
up either….)

Maybe he’s not the most perfect man in this world. Maybe he can’t give
me worldly things i desire now. But the glimpse of happiness that he
gives, the small and little things he do… it gives me a fuzzy
feeling. Realistically, this fuzzy feeling will not be able to give me
Chicken Chop or Salmon Grill or even a plate of rice in the future; but
for now… I will settle for what I have in my plate. It’s all about
growing up with the other person.

I told him once before that I didn’t mind. I still don’t.. And I want
him to know that. But, in all my right and realistic mind, I remind
over again that the only way to be with me for real is to get the means
to. I will wait. There’s a time limit for waiting… not telling when
i’ll stop waiting… but for now, I will wait. and NO.. I won’t spur on
him the urgency and ultimatum. That’s just cruel. After all, so far for
so long this was what I wanted. What I needed.

Aaaahhh…. It was definitely a nice day for me. Did my studying in the
morning til noon then out with my man to shop + movie. Ditched movie
and shopped the whole day. Met up Kabir and his cousins i think…
Jasmine is pretty. Practically the whole chain of friends knows I went
shopping and bought something. Honestly, it’s such a big deal when I go
shop. Coz, trust me… my friends all know i’d rather spend my money on
food, books and IT rather than clothes. This was a definite news.

Maybe because I’m turning a year older. I care what I look like. I care
for sales. Or maybe the impact of my wonderful friends and darling
sister has made its way to my heart. Well… two days back I got 3 tops
and today I bought 5 tops with a red-dress. the dress mom didn’t like..
too short for me. But, I’ll wear it one day. I know I will somehow.

Nope. Not an impulse buyer either. I came there to shop for sale items.
non of it was NEW ITEMS. So, I shop with value. *Look at me trying to
justify my shopping.. haha..*

One thing is for sure… I am loving this feeling of getting fresh new
clothes to go out with. Oh.. and mom got me two pairs of jeans.
Finally… more jeans for moi.

It’s 2:30am now.. and I need my sleep. I can’t believe it’s the last
day of my holidays! 2nd Feb 2006…. so fast. It’s February and I’ll be
24! Sigh…

Great time shopping.. seriously! thankx shahril for temaning me.

Revelation.

He said something.

Something that made her wide-eyed during dinner.

*sigh*

She was "terkejut"… sigh

Ahh… what an amazing closing of my holidays.

Holidays officially ends on this 1st February, 2006… but, yesterday was the closing of my mid-term break given by UiA. It was splendid. I felt so alive.

To recap.. I think there was not one day that I did not spend time with Shahril. For that, I thank you sayang for taking the time and effort to see me and spend time with me. The movie, the bday dinner, the late night outings, the stomach aches, the karaoke-ing… ahh.. and how i can forget, the match Manchester United vs. Liverpool. Thank you so much.

Yesterday was fun! As much fun I had as meeting with Nadia Bentinggal-Pugut-Maganda-daughter! Semalam, Fary, Raina, Kabir, Rajdeep and I had head out for fine dining in KL. It was such a treat to have great company and such wonderful friends. Blessed. Alhamdullillah.

Oh.. thankx to my mom as well for being so supporting to let me go yesterday. I was this close not going.. *imagine two fingers together*… but she allowed me to go!

Yesterday was such bliss… let’s hope there’s more to come. No.. I don’t wanna fall now.

~resume CP affidavit work~

A movie, cake and a birthday card.

Everything
for which I had given to this little 21 years old gal. Life is full of
surprises. Being 21 is not even the tip of the iceburg.

As usual… my sayang sorang tuh nak me stay over for birthday dinner.
The last birthday dinner I had attended, I had successfully elakkan
diri from being captured in the photo. Trust me, after experiance of
taking photo with love ones family, i’d rather not have that replayed
all over again.

But this time around, some insisted that i take a photo with the
birthday girl. Funny how that turned out. A picture of me in his family
album. Funny indeed.

Yes. Mama read the article in SEVENTEEN. Yes. Many have accidentally
flipped through the magazine and found me in the pages. Ahh.. no.. I’m
not a celebrity. Still just a gal who’s battling things out and trying
to create awareness to the community of this illness LUPUS.

I had two slices of pizza. Yes. That is a little to compare to what I
always have! The nervousness is one thing I guess. I’m never good with
eating in front of my love one’s parent or relatives. I remembered one
time, I had some kuih raya… and it was such a mess in my hands.
Klutz. That’s what I am!

Well.. it’s almost 2am. Need my sleep. Maybe I’ll go for karaoke tomorrow.

~p.s. I’m only left with bill to 2nd purchaser and retyping Sub-sale
and purchase agreement for PP. There’s the Affidavit in reply for CP. A
whole lot of summary trial to study. Jurisprudence to understand.. and
they say holidays are meant to be enjoyed..~

The day started ever so
slowly.. I had to finish up my assignments which were never ending. You
know the drill, when the holidays start, that’s when work and studying
piles up on a student. Especially for IIUM students. And don’t I know
it…

However, most people would just brush off the work aside for last
minute. Me being me.. I couldn’t brush it off aside ever so easily like
others do. Couldn’t plan trips to Cameron or Genting if I wanted to.
Envious of Raina and Kabir at this moment coz they’re gonna miles apart
from their PP work or other works or subjects that piles up soon. Wish
I could do the same. But I just can’t! I know that if I do go for any
trips without my work done… i’d not enjoy my trip.

Two days in a row I’ve been out. Saturday, I was out with Laila the
WHOLE DAY.. well.. we started at about 3:15pm up til 11pm.. Enjoyed our
trip out together. I wonder how was her trip outing today…

That night Shue had called. She said she saw my story in SEVENTEEN,
February edition. wow. I’m amazed that people around my age flip
through the mag. Heck.. some other kids of my age was calling and
messaging me that they saw my story in the mag. *blush*

On sunday, I was suppose to watch CASTELLO.. Unfortunately, by the time
we got to OU, (which was freaking pack) it was already 12:25pm. The
show starts @12:30. Scrap that. So… I had successfully made Shahril
agreed to watch Pride & Prejudice instead. It was such an oldies
movie. Enjoyed it very much.

As we were bout to exit OU, we met up with Ojah and Sri. My friends are usually the most cutest bunch I’ve seen.

After that, we had to go to Cheras to pick up Shahril’s sister. Then,
we headed out to Secret Recipe. Had a lovely dinner dining with
Shahril. Yes. It feels like as though we were on a date. Blissful
feeling.

Came back home to freshen up. Shahril came by 1 hour before the match.
What match? the Match of the week… MANCHESTER UNITED vs. LIVERPOOL

I was sweating through the whole match. Although I do not bet on
anything.. but it was my pride that’s on the line here. Not to those in
university.. they I can handle.. *plus it’s the holidays* BUT.. it was
Shahril’s friend… Syahrun. He’s an ardent follower and supporter of
Liverpool. He NEVER gave me the time of my life when I lepak with them.
There will ALWAYS be something about Manchester that he would kenakan
me.

If i could change teams I would.. but even at that notion, I’d be the stock for his jokes.

But.. for the record, I won’t change team.

Oh.. the result the match? At the touch of 90minutes…. Manchester’s
player - Rio Ferdinand, a.k.a "Haram al-Harami" to Syahrun.. had scored
the winning goal! As the headline in Malay Mail reads… "RIO SENDS
DEVILS TO HEAVEN"

hmm… bulletin in friendster seems dull.. hahahaa… no peep of other
supporter’s cry of victory.. ohhh yeah.. manchester had actually won..
and it was a clean match.. hmm… hahahahahhaa… *gelak guling2*

Today, Monday, 23rd January 2005 is my monthlyversary with Shahril. I
thought he had forgotten but he didn’t. Well.. he didn’t wait til I say
it even. Why do we STILL celebrate monthlyversaries when we’ve reached
that yearly thing? I dunno. Force of habit. Not that we buy each other
gifts or as such, but we remember.. and that’s enough for me.

We met up at night. Syahrun had followed. He had thought that he’d be
safe with me..? NO WAY.. payback time. All the time I was tormented
with his innuendos and sarcasms.. all of it boiled down to yesterday’s
match. I didn’t give him the time of his life at all!! Neither did
Rasta. They had switched on the match. It was so much fun to see him
squirm.

He was rescued to go somewhere. But his torment did not end. Me and
shahril decided to go ronda-ronda. Both of us had come up
simultaneously of tormenting Syahrun. So.. we head down to where we
knew he was going. Made one round and he was already tormented.

Then.. our ronda2 came to area Damansara Perdana. Lo behold, we both
found what I was searching for all this while. Ever since that SALON
movie *crappy movie but good locations in it*; Laila and myself were
searching for this book&cafe place - HOXES. Not that we were really
driving around… but in both of our mind, we hoped to terserempak with
the place.

Tonight was my lucky day! Shahril and myself found HOXES! It’s being
runned by Adi Sulaiman; who I suspect is one of those Chef in the tele
that I saw once or twice. Yes. It was a haven for all bookworm people.

The place was cozy and it was really a cool place to hang about. Food a
little pricey but it’s nothing to compare to the unimaginable serine
ambiance that they give to their customers. There’s a hotspot for TMNET
customers too.

Haven and heaven. Hoxes and Manchester United’s win. All good in 2 days
of holidays.. actually going to be three days of holiday oledi.. what
the heck.

~Happy Birthday ShaSha~

loving it…

Watched the movie oliver twist in GSC, MV… with Shahril, Fatiha Hana and also dear Calvin.

It was a good show. cinemaonline had given it 4 out of 5 stars. Yeah. It’s a good movie to start the year with for me.

When Shahril and myself went to get the tickets, we were asked the question : "If your child enters a band of pickpockets, what would you say to the child?"

I was a little blurred out. Shahril had something to say though. Check it out in the site. Not a bad answer… I like the photo of us too. Nice.

Thankx all for enjoying the movie with me. Will do this some more one of these days.

Two days ago my man had to go uruskan his brother’s kahwin kat N9.

"So.. bila lagi?" - the famous question he was asked by his relatives and those who knows of his relationship with me.

This time… he told me that he answered them all. Insya-Allah. The time will come for both of us.

It’s amazing how a simple answer as to the duration of time had made me feel all hyped inside. My wedding. Well.. I can dream bout it, can’t I? I’m allowed that far since he told me his intentions. I am not hoping it’ll happen straight away, but I do hope it’ll come true.

~~***~~

Semalam was a gathering of families at home. It was amazing. Amazing to have people over my parents house. My mother’s siblings that is. It’s nice when it’s just a small family. But.. if it was my dad’s side.. Tuhan je tahu macam mana nak runtuhnya rumah nih nanti!

My dad had taught Munirah and Bashir how to weave baskets out of newspapers and flyers. Yes… that’s what my dad LOVES to do. And he’d love it if one of us learn it too… but.. the Kambali daughters are too lazy and have no patience to do any of those sorts!

After that, my uncle Shamlan, Munirah, Bashir and myself had played pick-up-sticks. Alaaa.. you know the game too… it’s where you drop bunch of sticks and you try to pick them up one by one without moving the other sticks. The most sticks picked up is the winner. Not as easy as it sounds.. but it was fun. We used dad’s rolled-up newspapers and flyers to play as sticks.

By 8pm, my Uncle Hafidz and family wanted to make their move back home.

As my aunt was salam-ing me, she whispered; "boyfriend sarah handsome…" *and gave me a wink*

"Haha.. takder laa auntie." *I’m sure when he reads this bloated dia… bloat with bangga!*

Knowing my auntie.. it’s probably because my boyfriend sorang nih is tall… that’s why she said my boyfriend is handsome. After all, our family is quite close in one sense. And we LOVE to tease each other of the other person’s boyfriend. Itu belum bawak my sister’s boy lagi.. muahahahaa… tungguuuuuuuuu for that episode to come.

It was a terribly good day! Ouh.. did i mention that i went to get tickets to watch Oliver Twist. I won it again.. hihi… *this time, mommy pulak mengeluh.."sarah menang jer selalu.." *

*sheepish smile* I can’t help it.. I enter the contest and I won.

Have a good day everyone…

Salam Aidiladha!

Always… dreaming
When she’s awake, she dreams of the day she’ll be better..
She dreams of life ever-studying
She dreams of never growing up…
She dreams of being a kid.

Always dreaming.. that’s what she is
Dreaming that there will be an easier time
dreaming that life won’t be difficult
Dreaming that her man would take over her dreams..

Dreaming… always..
that’s what she does
that’s what she is…

Time will tell if her dreams come true

I don’t know what’s gotten into me…

but i’m addicted…

addicted to www.malaysiakini.com

yes.. i subcscribed to it for a month now… money makes the world go round…

Waking up from sleep. It was
such bliss. My feet were cold and so were my hands. It was a very nice
slumber. The only thing that woke me up was neither my phone nor my
parents or any noise… it was just me. I woken up at the feel of guilt
and conscience.

Yes. I don’t waste time. To me, every single second is worth Rm0.01..
Not everyone understands my philosophy of time and money. Manipulating
it is one thing I can do. Buying time is one skill I wish to achieve in
one point of my life. Call me materialistic you want too.. but money is
what makes the world go round. The only way to make money is to invest
your time doing something.

Today.. I wasted money and time. Intentionally.

I woke up in the morning and gotten ready to go One Utama to play
MONOPOLY board game. Somehow, we can plan, but not all of our plans
will work out. It was suppose to be me, my man and my sister and her
guy.

Registration : 10-11am.
Participants at 9:30am… sis      :just got up
                                 
her guy :asleep
                                 
my man:asleep
                                  
me      :breakfast and typing out my journal.
Destination : One Utama
Posibility of registering : slim to none.

Nevertheless.. I was determined to waste time. I wanted to go out. I
wanted to take my mind off my worries of PP work. The "general letter"
of advice to possible purchasers. Sounds easy to those who is not
taking up law - maybe. But it’s not that simple. Your basis of advice
is on the Schedule G of Housing Developers Act. It comprises of 32
clauses and 4 schedules. All in long windy sentences that has no
fullstops. Full of "if and unless… their own costs and expense… if
purchaser does… when vendor omits…"… all those long confusing
sentences that normal people would get a headache reading and would
just want the lawyers to explain the gist of the whole one clause.
(which is about 4-7 lines with no fullstop till the end of the line…
no kidding.. Haniff dah tgk kan?)

Upon arriving OU, it was already 11am. The que was terrible to register
to play the game. So I called my sister to cancel and wondered around
aimlessly with my man.

Played chess for two rounds. Lost both to Shahril; I may have looked
like I was about to win… but I lost. (wasted more time hanging
around…)

Went wheeling in U-Parkson. Tried that "U-Zap" thing. It was kind of
refreshing. Thinking of buying… We’ll see how it goes. Need to
convince mom who is still utterly "phobia" over electrical items or
devices for exrcise or strapping on the body.

~still gonna make lots of noise bout it til i get it~

Checked out GSC, OU… found a couple of movies I want to watch when it’s the holidays. Will book in advance too..

• Pride & Prejudice - out already
   
• Castello (Malay) - out already
   
• Main2 Cinta (Malay with Misha Omar)
• Memoirs of Geisha
   

Then, we went to MPH. I needed
brown file. Didn’t find one. A little stressed. Decided to buy some
book on writing letters… OK.. I know i said i wanted to forget the
whole PP work but it’s a tough habit. I can’t even enjoy my time out
without thinking of my work at home. I seriously need help in that
department. No wonder I’m having this disease.

To actually fail at impressing a lecturer is something I DO NOT want to do. Yes.. call me an apple-polisher or miss-goodie-two-shoes..
but it’s this apple polisher that gets work done and gets where she is
now. I’m not a bright student (eventhough many would disagree and might
even smack me for such statements..) but I try my best to impress and
do work. Divide time and get things done efficiently. Get things done
before deadline so that I can move on to another assignments.

I’m not perfectionist. I just want to get the work done. Out of my head.

So many things in my head. Fear of getting fatter by the day. It’s not
so much of not being physically appealing.. but it’s my health that i’m
worried about. If I don’t do something about it I’d end up being 100kgs
in the duration of 2 months.

Fear of my operation in April. Fear of what that operation feels like
after waking up. Would there be any difference? Would I actually wake
up? Would it be successful?

Fear of not recovering from the operation. What if something goes wrong? What if I end up not able to walk at all?

Fear of not graduating. Hence the small tiny2 university work that
everyone takes for granted sometimes. The reason why I want to finish
everything as good as possible. Presentable. Precise.

Fear of not going to my convocation. It’s my first degree. I might try
to embark on other degrees or diplomas or masters… but it won’t be
the same. I won’t be wearing the robe and smiling with my friends in
the same boat as I. Why not going to my convocation? Because I have a
sucky recovery….

Looking back at all this fears, I realize that my head is swamped with
things I fear. I’ve always been positive on life. Everyone who knows me
and spoken to me before would say that I pour too much of positive
vibes and strong energy. People look at me in amazement of my strength
to go thru what I go through.

But…

deep deep… way down

I fear…

I fear He is testing me more than I’m suppose to be tested. I fear I
would fail in His test. My aim to please Him is so difficult. I feel
weak, meek and alone. Eventhough I know that there is so many people
who loves me and would take care of me; I still feel alone.

No one really understands what I have in my mind. My fears. My hopes. My dreams. My God.

Today.. I wasted time and money. Wondering in OU and buying luxury
items I don’t really need right now… except for that letter writing
book which is quite useful.

But I don’t feel guilty. Just amazed that I could waste my time as I did today.. and my money……

It’s only the second day of the new year.. and I feel fearful.