I think… for my sake, I need to scream this out here.
Would SOMEONE from my list of good friends… girls especially and/or Kabir… get the freaking ball rolling???
Someone please get engage or married… add a bit pressure on him? I think kan… once one of us start, everyone will follow suit. That way, after that we’ll find something else to bitch about.
But now.. PLEASE. ROLL it!
It ain’t fair. Why do I want things that I know I CAN’T have straight away??
I’m not trying to rush things… but I have to admit that the pressure is there. I feel it on myself. No one is forcing me to go into that "phase"… but generally when you see everyone surrounding you is either engaged, married or expecting a child, I start to pressure myself.
It’s easy for a person to say "Sabar"… or even say, "I’m not ready". In fact, I say that too to myself just to shut myself up. After all, kalau diri sendiri tak terurus, with this SLE and operation and not-yet-lawyer… how can I even think of going there??
Tapikan, why am I not that lucky and taking chances like other people? Most of the people I associate with in working life have no tendency of getting married anytime soon… but, for me, it’s not that easy to continue to stay in that line of thought.
Who am I to kid? Day after day, weeks and months goes by… I am on constant medication. Only God knows if those medication has actually made my chance of "expecting" slimmer than the normal average woman of the age 25.
Then again, I don’t think I am ready to be a mother at all… tapi, I want kids. I yearn to have my own. Someday. But, will it happen?
God knows best I guess.
On friday, my relative got married. As they were showing the slide show, I couldn’t help to keep a glass eye on the slides. They had shown the engagement slides.
With mascara, I kept reminding myself that I cannot cry. It’ll spoil the makeup I have on.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaarrghhh… I wanna get engaged. Not married… engaged.
He’s not ready.
Maybe, I should opt for the suitors my sister, dad, uncle has gotten for me. That’s a little dumb, kan? But, I am not surprised if by next year if it doesn’t happen for me, I’ll opt for any of my family’s choice and start dating again.
I can’t do this. WHY IS IT I’m THE ONLY ONE FEELING THE PRESSURE??
