Me, MYSeLF & i…

Barangkali kisah ini
boleh menjadi renungan bagi kita, terutamanya yang ingin berumah tangga
:

Alkisah, seorang pemuda miskin bernama Jamil, berasal dari Benut,
Pontian. Keluarganya hanyalah keluarga sederhana,
Tidaklah disebut miskin.
Ayahnya sehari-hari bekerja sebagai tukang jahit di kampungnya. Karena
kegigihannya,
Jamil berjaya melanjutkan pelajaran
hingga ke UTM walaupun dengan perbelanjaan seadanya.

Semasa semester 3 di
kampus, Jamil jatuh hati pada seorang gadis bernama Sofea, juga sama-sama kuliah
di fakulti yang sama.
Sofea adalah putri seorang tokoh
korporat ternama di daerah Johor Bahru dan juga masih keturunan diraja. Walaupun
secara ekonomi,
mereka jauh berbeza,namun itu tidak
menghalang keduanya untuk saling mencintai. Ayah Sofea yang mengetahui putrinya
begitu
mencintai pemuda dari keturunan
biasa, tak mampu mencegah gelora cinta putrinya. Maka setelah keduanya lulus,
pernikahan keduanyapun
diselenggarakan dengan
meriah.

Pesta besar-besaran diadakan untuk mengiringi pernikahan. Ayah
Jamil yang tak punya banyak harta, hanya dapat memberikan bantuan

sumbangan pakaian, langsir,sarung
bantal, yang semuanya dibuat dan dijahit sendiri khas untuk pernikahan anaknya.
Bahagiakah Sofea
bersanding dengan Jamil
?

Ternyata kebahagiaan mereka tidak berlangsung lama. Tibalah saatnya
malam pengantin tiba. Mereka berduapun memasuki peraduan dengan

bahagia. Namun, ketika Jamil membuka
pakaiannya dan tinggal hanya memakai seluar dalam, berteriaklah Sofea dengan
kuat, sebelum akhirnya
pengsan tak sedarkan diri. Jamil
masih dalam kebingungan dan tidak tahu kenapa isterinya histeria dan pengsan.
Dilihatnya seluar dalam yang
dipakai. Aduh !!! Jamil
lupa yang seluar dalam itu  dijahit oleh ayahnya, dibuat dari kain bekas
bungkus tepung gandum. Di tengah seluar dalam
itu masih terpampang
jelas tulisan, "BERAT BERSIH 25 KG".

Sudah tentu Sofea terus pengsan
melihatnya. Sofea tidak dapat membayangkan seberapa besar isinya dengan berat
sebegitu.

Serius sangat
membacanya…

muhahahahah…ha… ha.
ha….!!

Semalam, I had breakfast with Ravin. It was nice of him to belanja me Nasi Lemak and Milo… will remember to treat him later on. It was even nicer that he waited through my arranging transport back with Shahril.

What was I doing having breakfast with Ravin? We bumped into each other in court (Jalan Duta). I had to clarify some Notis Rayuan thing for client and he was there for some other matter. I wasn’t in a hurry to be back because I know transport would be a jamm on my end. (Dad’s Volvo is in the workshop… minyak hitam tank bocor.)

Called Shahril and waited for him to get back to office. In the meantime, it was just nice to have company. Although, I must admit that I was talking half of the time. Ravin was making fun at my boyfriend-neighbour situation. He said that if my father misses me, my father can just ding-dong next door (once we’re married… though it’s the other way around la Ravin!)

He also suggested that the middle neighbour be given a vacation somewhere else whilst I use up the whole road for kenduri kahwin. Hehe.. it was refreshing to think about all that… but as much as I can (which is not long).

Later the day, there was "hope" that my new boss’ will be swinging by to the office and we might be having tea/dinner with the boss.

I got to present myself to these people. It wasn’t as easy. Don’t get me wrong… they are not scary but I can’t help thinking that they are. They are after all new people and I don’t know what is it they are thinking. All in all, I think I have a rough idea on how the firm is going to look like. Roughly, I can picture myself working there… but we’ll see how it all go in the next 3 months.

When I came back, with Fara’s mum (aunty Intan)… I got 2 rather disturbing news. One was on someone dear to my heart. It was sad to see what had happened. I thank GOD nothing else happened other than what had happened. I don’t know how in my life am I going to live if anything worst happened. Recovery is slow, but sure.

But this made me cry, though I may not have puffy eyes.

I thought… ingatkan nak take off today from work. But weighing the odds, I still went to work and seemed as though nothing had happened. That’s the best way to deal with this kot…

Another news is about my little brother… his handphone hilang. Kesian laa kat dia. He didn’t message me… he messaged my sister. They are closer in terms of telefon-menelefon ni. But, I’m sure in no time, my ex-auntie will buy him a new phone. My little brother ni very lucky… he has so much love from everyone eventho things might not seem whole as one.

Today… i am just thinking about yesterday. I’m sleepy in the office. I wanna go home. Serabut laa kepala…

bidak.

ehh.. bikin panas. suka kau la. aku tau kau takut image jatuh? takut ka cerita sebar ke tunang kau? Ya.. i know you are engaged.

Marah sama sia dgn itu blog? Mana?? eii.. bikin panas.

Hey JP… i think sabab sebenar kau marah sia bukan karna nama… jatuh kau punya ego kan? Macam X sia dulu-dulu. Now ging sama X tu… buleh layan je apa sia tulis… sama ada nama papar atau ndak.

Hambik la nama kau tu JP. Sia tak hingin… you are not welcome in the first place pun. Sori, tak sedar ka…?

In the office. Hungry. My fault.

Mom bekalkan some sandwich. But I don’t feel like sandwich. Drama over sandwich. Tapi, I have to finish the sandwich. Or not I feel my mum’s effort of making the sandwich goes to waste.

That’s relationship for you. You think bout what your actions might occur reaction to the other person. You think about what you do might effect the other’s feeling. What you say… what you don’t do.

It’s never easy. In any relationship, it’s never easy. There’s always one person who doesn’t do exactly as expected out of the other. In this case, it’s me. I am always somehow result to forcing myself to strive and get things done (or eaten) without confronting the issue.

Issue is simple… I don’t want sandwiches! Well, not tuna or sardine. I’m actually sick of sandwiches. Manis2 sandwiches I like… but that’s not lunch to my mum (and most people too…)

Result.. I am having hunger pangs. Which brings me to this ridiculous blogging which was brought to all of you people’s attention.

Sandwiches-relationship-hunger pangs. Ouh.. and alone in office at 2.30pm.

I think I’ll sleep for awhile. Enough of merepeks…

I’ve fallen ill these couple of weeks.

First it was the whole sore throat (followed by a little mump on the side)…

Now, I am having cold, flu and chesty cough… no fever as yet. Maybe after tonight, there will be one?

A lot has happened in my life too… a lot which some knows and others are clueless. I am rather happy of what I did. I can’t stand hanging around like a piece of coat on a velvety IKEA sofa. I MUST be worn… I MUST go places and move.

Evidently, it’s not easy as that. There are still things that needs to be done… but in the meantime, I shall be Pocahontas and ride the wind. Actually, that’s my sister… I just stop dead in my tracks and start swimming away for my life.

Many things you learn by all the painful experience or pleasurable experience in life. It helps a person to grow, IF they see what the lesson is all about. For me, I haven’t really achieve to conquer the lesson life has offered.

Sometimes, when I look back… there ARE things that I have changed in seeking for THAT companionship in life. Then again, some other criteria has NOT changed for me. Basically, I am beating myself for making the same mistake that I did when I was younger.

But ALL these experience is good to make me grow… and I hope I have grown more out of this.

I don’t know why I let people turn to me for advice when my own relationship and what I want is screwy as it is already. Where do I really turn to but myself?

Sure… talking bout it helps. But, sampai biler I will be talking about the subject matter? I think it’s a fact of irreconcilable differences that we have that’s driving us apart.

Sometimes, I wished that the guys I choose had actually cheated on me. It would be easier (heartbreaking no less) to let loose of a relationship. But when it’s something of "principle", it becomes complicated.

Hence my status of "It’s Complicated".

Trust me… I would still LOVE for the ball that I talk previously to start rolling. But now, I just have to re-think who I am going to roll the rest of my remaining life with.

I cannot pretend anymore that it doesn’t hurt.

I cannot see/talk or have a decent conversation because it still hurts.

Maybe, sometimes it is better to build yourself first than letting someone in your life. To trust, love, hold, honour and cherish. All which I mentioned is a vow to be a wife-husband in a wedding.

That is what I am searching for. My standards are not high, in fact it’s the low among all my girlfriends.

I don’t need your money, but as obligation you have to provide.

I don’t need ALL your time… only when it is NECESSARY, I would LOVE that you’d come thru for me.

I don’t need the title of a wife NOW, maybe later in the future… but having said that, you SHOULD know that the longer I wait, the harder it is to have one of my own.

So what do I really want in a man?

Commitment of time as much as I have committed to the relationship (despite my busy schedule).

But it’s sad when you forget all this things… after 3 years and 8 months, things turns sour for us. All because of that one incident.

Janji tinggal janji